The root of inaction

You've wanted to do something about :blah: for a long time.

You've carefully thought out this decision, perhaps over months or even years, and now all the remains is to do it.

But try as you might you can never seem to do it.

This has been my dilemma for as long as I can remember.

My partner and I have been less than ideal romantic partners for a long time. I want to break-up, I know I do and have known for a very long time. But I just can't seem to do it. I want to know why? why why why can't I just man up and do it.

There are a plethora of moral, ethical and quality of life considerations for both parties that make me dragging this situation out worse for absolutely everyone involved so why can't I seem to bring myself to do it. I think I may have finally worked it out.

If you outline all the outcomes of this action, most of them really suck. It will make my partner really upset, we both have to move, one of us will have to keep the cat ( who we adopted together ), it will all just be really unpleasant. However there are some positive aspects such as allowing us both to move on and get started on that next, potentially much happier part of our lives sooner. BUT. As it is largely my happiness that is dependent on this action, I don't feel incentivized to do it. I would rather keep someone else "happy" at the cost of my own happiness.

Perhaps this boils down to self worth. Why am I so willing to put others before myself. I do this in all parts of life. I don't want to talk to strangers in public because I might be making their time worse. I don't (didn't) want to use a public gym because I don't want to take up space that someone else might want to use. I don't want to ask people to hang out with me because they'll feel pity on me and hang out with me when they don't actually want to. I don't tell anyone how I really feel when I'm talking to them because I don't want them to think I'm mean or not to like me. I go through life trying to have as little impact on the world around me as humanly possible so that I can maximize the happiness of those around me. But why?

Nothing is clear to me now, but I hope by keeping this front of mind I might be able to discover why.

Perhaps why doesn't matter, if I make a simple commitment to myself to try not to allow myself to become a victim of my own behavior in this way.

I don't want to talk to strangers in public because I might be making their time worse

People are under no obligation to engage me in conversation, but as a human being I have the right to attempt to engage anyone I want in conversation. Social connection is one of the most basic human needs and expecting nobody to ever engage anyone else would lead to a depressing and isolated society.

I don't (didn't) want to use a public gym because I don't want to take up space that someone else might want to use

You pay as much membership as anyone else in this shared space (or any shared space). Your existence isn't a burden and you have just as much right to be a part of this situation as anybody else.

I don't want to ask people to hang out with me because they'll feel pity on me and hang out with me when they don't actually want to

It is each persons own responsibility to spend their own time how they wish. If a person doesn't want to spend time with you it is their responsibility to be honest with you and tell you that. It is your obligation then to be caring, understanding and respectful when a person chooses not to spend time with you. It is also your obligation to be honest with people when you don't want to spend your time with them. You DO NOT owe anyone an explanation as to how you choose to spend your time. It's a precious resource. Spend it with who you want, and how you want.

I don't tell anyone how I really feel when I'm talking to them because I don't want them to think I'm mean or not to like me

How people interpret what you say to them is up to them. You have absolute freedom to say what you want to people, and speaking truthfully to those around you is the most effective path to being you're most authentic self with those around you. This isn't a justification to be needlessly hurtful to those around you, and being thoughtful of peoples feelings certainly has merit. Furthermore you're under no obligation to be authentic with those who you do not feel comfortable with. Finally, speaking authentically is not a justification for unsolicited advice / opinions; doesn't mean you can't give them, it just means that you have to respect the recipient's right to reject this (as you have a right to reject those that come to you.

I go through life trying to have as little impact on the world around me as humanly possible so that I can maximize the happiness of those around me

By limiting the exposure you have to the world, you limit the worlds potential with you as a part of it. Just as you wouldn't ever expect anybody to speak to nobody and not be involved in any part of life, you cannot expect that of yourself. You will offend people. People won't like you being around. People won't like what you have to say. But you need to risk being heard, seen and appreciated because as long as your coming from a good place, the world will be better on average for your participation in it. Aim for being a great person and you'll likely get close.

There are a bunch of people out there right now like you who are lonely and don't think they're good enough to have friends or to talk to people and know in your heart that you wish that they would try and you know that you would accept them, so why do you expect less from yourself than that.