Today I feel like I took some massive strides on my journey to becoming more social and just going harder at life.
I'm at a work conference, I spoke to several people today, confidently introduced myself, and even signed up for an lightning talk tomorrow! I'm so nervous but that's the whole reason I want to do it. I want to do it just because its hard and it makes me more into the person I want to be.
There's a guy in our group who is pretty consistenly being cynical, and I'm trying to keep authentic and be honest when he's trying to elicite sympathy.
Speaking of who I want to be, I think I want to be less cynical. I feel like this is a trait I posses that doesn't really impact those around me in a positive way. Benefits nobody and just needlessly creates negative energy. I also want to be more cognisent of shutting down ideas or thoughts of people around me. This has happened to me a few times on this trip and it really doesn't feel good. Even if the person is right and has a point, you don't want them to be. You will fight them tooth and nail. When if they just phrased their alternative opionion in a more tactful/kind/thoughtful way, you could win their sympath much easier.
There were two explicit incidenences that happened in basically the same coversation. One guy disagreed with me and made me feel very small and like my idea was worthless. I'd say probably not intentionally, however a feeling can't be unfelt. On the other hand someone else at the table suggested I watch friends, something I've always lamented and hated, but the rawness with which he presented his argument immediately showed me that I was doing to him with friends, what others at the table were doing to me with Seinfeld. Immediate dismissal in some flimsy attempt at intelligence.
"Oh don't you know the show is spooky without the laugh track" "People who like this popular thing are morons"
I feel unfortuanatley a large sting of regret writting this, as this is usually how I conduct myself. But I am infinitely grateful that it was pointed out to me so that I can stop. I want to go forward not judging anyone for something I have not done. I want to assume the best of the people around me, and be respectful when sharing a different opinion. It's not "ugh you like that? it sucks", it's, "I've never been able to get into it, how did you get into it? What do you like about it?" "It's not for me, but that's cool that you get enjoyment from it" But ALSO, "oh, you _dont_ like that, that's fair, it's not for everyone"
Big love, you're growing so damn much and I'm proud as fuck. Keep it up.