If you're anything like me, christmas is a highly guilt laden affair. From the christmas list to the requirement to satsify the needs of a geographically and morally sparse family (on both sides, if you have a partner). Navigating these waters can be tricky.
I want to see everyone, but I don't want to have to visit everyone. The closest of my family live ~2 hours drive from me. Which is close enough to feel guilty about going but long enough that the drive sucks and it makes going a real mental battle. Couple that with stagnant conversations and you have yourself a recipe for dread. I love my family very much, but being required by law to attend every christmas with ALL OF THEM is a bit much. Both my parents and my parent's parents are separated, which creates 4 groups of competing grandparnets that want a visit at every major holiday. It gets to be a lot. Esspecially when none of them have ever visited me. Like ever.
"Sorry for the late reply, but <partner> and I are going to have a quite Chrismas at home this year. "
Literally 5 minutes ago I just sent a variation of this message to all family members asking me to go to some form of christmas get together. I love them all very much, but I also love not driving 2 hours each way to sit awkwardly off in a corner until someone engages me in a coverstation. I know that I'm partially to blame for that but like I don't know how to improve my relationship with these people. We have very little in common and we speak only a few times a year.
I think you can love family from a distance. I need to spend more time thinking on this because of how much distress it causes me.
Its the same problem with the god damn presents. I get some from a few people, but never know what to get them or if I should get them anything. Like, I don't really want to get someone something out of obligation, that just feels forced and stupid. But at the same time I feel guilty because all my aunties always give me cards with cash and like I don't need the cash and I never get them anything in return?
Last year I tried to get everyone somethimg, got some lush stuff and some tea2 kits, but like ffs, that just feels like corporate mumbojumbo and like nobody actually gave a shit.
I guess I want to be at a point where I see all of my family a resonable amount per year, I know them to a point where I feel comfortable buying them something small that I am sure they will like. That would be amaaaaaing. I guess that starts with getting to know each of them better.
Perhaps I could make an effort to reach out to each of them on a semi regular basis? This way I can get to know them and what they're up to. It sounds kinda derranged but could I take notes on them? It would be perhaps hard to keep track of everyone and what's going on for them the next time I reach out. After a quick google, note taking is almost a good idea for things you don't want to forget about someone. I think personally like organically remebering is fine, but having notes almost shows you are even more, cause you are making a concerted effort not to forget.
This way I wouldn't feel so guilty not coming. I guess I feel guitly because I make almost no effort all year long and then they ask for a small thing and I'm like nah. GG. I can improve this I think. Unsure of how others will feel about it but I think just cold calling members of my family is the way to go.